Monday, 8 March 2010

Lessons from my Aunty A

Last year, I asked my Aunty A  to give me some advice ahead of our wedding and the start of our marriage. She didn't disappoint. Here it is:
Image: RougeAmour

"Wow! Advise and wisdom on marriage! I can go for hours. The major of all majors is to have God in the center of the marriage, which you already know. It goes beyond attending Church. It includes accepting Christ as your Lord and Saviour. That will help you and 'Mr O' to pray together and study the Bible together and be obedient to what you read in the Bible. The Bible gives you all the advise you need. It will teach you to:
Prioritize your relationships: This is VERY crucial!!!!!! If you miss this order of priority, your marriage will be one stressful life of arguments and strife. The Bible will teach you BOTH the following order of priority

1.God - You obviously know that God is # 1

2.Husband/Wife -1st priority-To please each other. Your children should not take priority over Mr O
Image: RougeAmour

3.Children - When parents are fine their children just fall in line.They grow up with love & confidence

Image: RougeAmour

4.Jobs - Don't ignore the upbringing of your children because of your job/career. It is a bad investment

5.Parents - Cannot take precedence over God or Mr O. (See next paragraph)
Image: RougeAmour

6.Others- Cannot take precedence over God or Mr O. (See next paragraph)
Parents/Others - This is a problem, especially for those of us with African descent, it is difficult to cut the apron strings sometimes but you need to do so. As you both get married you and Mr O take precedence over your parents / sisters / cousins/ aunts / grandmother's sister-in-law's cousin twice removed / college friends/ room mates/ workmates/ best buddies since kindergarten and the whole world. 


This means that the decisions you and Mr O make take precedence over whatever any of these people decide. You can respectfully listen to what they have to say and ponder it over with Mr O and then you both decide on which way to go. But you cannot just take what they say and go from there without talking to Mr O.

7. Respect each other - Watch how you speak to Mr O. Don't embarrass him in front of people or in front of his children. Don't speak to him as if he is your 'house boy'. The Bible teaches us that men love their ego stroked. If you do that, he will eat out of the palm of  your hand.

Image: RougeAmour

 8. Sex - You cannot be tired or have a headache every night. You got to give it up! The Bible tells us that we cannot withhold our bodies from our spouses. Don't withhold your body from him because he forgot to stop by the grocery store on the way home like you asked him to do. You got to have sex. 

Image: Sir Shadow

Make sure you do not wear yourself out during the day and save energy for sex. You got to do it whether you are 24 or 34 or 54 years old. Your husband has body fluids that God created him with and he has to get rid off it from time to time. God created you to be part of this process and it is good for you. 

Image: Brian Orion

So sex is not something that is a by-product of a marriage. It is not something you do out of obligation; it is not disgusting and it should not be used as a means of punishment. It is a beautiful thing that God made to be a part of a marriage. The Bible says that the marriage bed is undefiled."

I am really grateful for these words of wisdom. Friends are always eager to give advice and it's easy to speculate 'I would...' or 'I cant believe...'. I can't deny doing this myself! Whilst our friends always mean well and are great for emotional support, for me there's nothing quite like the voice of experience. When it comes to finding solutions or avoiding problems altogether! I always find it most useful to hear from those who have gone before me... who have learnt from their own mistakes and frankly who know a little bit more about the subjects of love, sex and marriage! I look forward to my Aunty's next lesson, which she told me would cover 'communication, vexation, finance and unrealistic goals and expectations'...

Ooooh I kind of like the idea of this, 'Lessons from Aunty...' ... ; )P

Mrs O

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